Christopher Columbus discovered America
But they named it after the next guy
Getting the shaft is a pain in the ass
So are prostate exams
If an old man tries to play nick knack on your knee
Tradition says you’re to give a dog a bone
But it’s probably wiser to paddy whack him in the head
On March 17, 415 A.D. a leprechaun was born in an Irish manger
He had a green tongue and I think they called him Patrick
But it might have been Peter, Paul or Mary
They say Puff the Magic Dragon lived by the sea
What they don’t tell you is he was actually hot-boxed in a dorm room
Super Mario introduced a generation of kids to magic mushrooms
Donkey Kong was not a donkey
But he did have a rage issue and smashed barrels over alligator heads
Still that doesn’t mean he was a doper like Mario
Alice was a tea-toddler before she went down the rabbit hole
But she got hooked on the Hatter’s shrooms and landed in a Vegas strip-joint
Casinos with flashy lights are paradise for Floridians with plastic gardens
Bingo halls are where aging widows go to find new mates
Happiness is yelling Bingo when you find your teeth after a night of frustrated sex
Personally, I prefer doing it online