What my Girlfriend Believes Her Cat Was Thinking While We Were on Thanksgiving Vacation:

It’s about time I learn how to turn on that stove.
I could detach this window screen from in here and easily reattach it from the outside ledge.
Quarters and thumbtacks don’t taste as awesome as they look.
I bet I could fit in the blender if I really tried.
Who knew it was so fun to open the freezer?
I bet those two guys down in the alley would feed me if I showed them the open window and acted all cute.
I don’t think I’ve ever tried humping an electrical outlet before.
In retrospect, maybe I shouldn’t have drank that whole punch bowl of water in my first hour alone.
Does that say Liquid Plumber or Squid Butter?

What I Believe My Girlfriend’s Cat Was Thinking While We Were on Thanksgiving Vacation:

I’m going to shed on the pillows.
I’m going to vomit on the bathroom rug.
I’m going to fuck with Greg’s slippers.
I’m done crapping in that litter box.