This summer we asked writers to redefine the English language by taking a knife to a dictionary and supplying alternate meanings to well known words. Here are 25 of our favourite submissions.

Amiable, verb – The ability to name oneself Ami

Archaic, noun – Biblical, referring to Noah's favourite cake


Bonfire, noun – Flammable candy. See also: Bonbonfire

Custody, noun – Toad flavoured custard, often mixed with vanilla and served on parsnips

Dictionary, noun – A radical person who shuns a certain male organ

Ejection, noun – That which follows erection, in life, but not in the dictionary

Encyclopedia, noun – Inner workings of a float in a parade being moved by someone pedaling a bicycle

Libertarianism, noun – The practice of subsisting on a diet composed primarily or wholly of reference books, periodicals and the Dewey decimal system

Monkey, noun – An obsolete form of currency developed by 14th century monks

Mountie, noun – The less-dominant partner during sex

Munchkin, noun – One who inherits food

Ossify, verb – To make awesome

Particle, noun – A small-part player with the hiccups

Philosophy. noun – The critical study of the basic principles and tastiness of a particular brand of pastry

Poetry, noun - Tall leafy plant inhabited by a famous raven

Pristine, noun – An effeminate teenaged boy

Restart, noun – A rest stop for tarts, strumpets and the occasional bimbo

Sandwich, noun – A wicked woman who resides on a beach or dune

Silicon, noun – A humorous jailbird

Skeptical, verb – To provoke convulsive laughter by wiggling the fingers while bounding forward with alternative hops on each foot

Slumberous, noun – The downtrodden boroughs of a major metropolis

Steroid, noun – A blister that forms around ones anus after incessant journeys down staircases on ones ass

Testimony, verb – The act of collecting a man's testicles after a divorce

Thesaurus, noun – Self explanatory, as in "He had the runs, so was constantly wiping thesaurus"

Venerable, noun – An STD obtained from a trusted friend